Selective Hydration Water Bottle

Tactical hydration for those who refuse to waste energy on nonsense. Whether you're dodging pointless conversations, surviving another Zoom meeting, or just need a dramatic sip to escape explaining why you won’t join someone’s pyramid scheme, this 32 oz (950 ml) powerhouse has your back.


• Double-walled stainless steel with vacuum insulation
• Plastic lid and wide-mouth foldable straw
• 32 oz. (950 ml)
• Height: 9.92″ (25.2 cm)
• Diameter: 3.54″ (9 cm)
• Glossy finish
• Rotating handle
• Comes with an anti-slip patch
• Blank product sourced from China

Warning: Side effects may include fewer small talk encounters and an increase in people leaving you alone. (Hydrate responsibly.)

Disclaimer: Not dishwasher or microwave safe. Hand-wash only—because some things in life still require effort.

Size guide